


that's not normal, right?

by alambils



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Inspired by true events, Other, Suicidal Thoughts (sort of), angsty, but nothing actually happens, just be warned there is some dread, oh and definitely not shippy!!!! that's why it's "&", there's a fun tag for ya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22515340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alambils/pseuds/alambils
Summary: to say that tim is having a bad night is quite the understatement. thankfully, he has someone in his life who's always willing to be there to listen, even when tim faces his issues by running off into the night
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	that's not normal, right?

**Author's Note:**

> a fic inspired by my own breakdown? it's more likely than you think! essentially, this is what happened between my brother and i. i deeply identify with tim and he is very much like jason and i believed that writing this would be a good way to express some of my feelings. fictionalizing my own problems!!! what a concept

Tim Drake collapsed on the floor of the bathroom, heart in his throat. He tried his hardest to choke it back down. If he started crying, he knew there was going to be no way to stop it. It was stupid anyways. There wasn’t any real reason for him to be feeling this way, but a million half reasons were battering at his brain. A sob escaped him, the echo playing it over and over in his ears. This wasn’t right. Tim knew that. He knew it but that’s as far as he could get without the dread creeping into his stomach. Another sob. And another. What a sight, he dimly thought to himself. Here he was, supposedly the boy with everything he could want, lying on a dirty bathroom floor with his head in his hands. 

A voice in the back of his head was softly repeating “ _Help. You need to get help._ ” Taking deep breaths, Tim peeled himself up from the floor and reached for his phone. Who would he even contact? He could feel his brain darkening again as he realised there was almost no one he could to turn to. Bruce would try to fix him in his way instead of listening to Tim, Dick was just… Dick. He wouldn’t be able to help Tim in the way that he needed. He didn’t want to expose Damian to this, not wanting his thoughts to spread like an infectious disease. Almost against his better judgement, Tim clicked on Jason’s number and started typing.

TO: A Brother (2 of ???) 

“I’m having a breakdown on the floor of a bathroom and I kinda want to die. That's not normal, right?”

Setting the phone down, Tim sighed. He did what he could, right? Reached out, asked for help. But the darkness was still in the back of his mind, spreading across all his thoughts like ink spilled on paper. At that moment, Tim knew nothing except that he had to go. Leave. Get as far from this place as possible. There wasn’t time for him to suit up, so he just grabbed a dark hoodie and shoved his phone in his pocket. Winter in Gotham could be exceptionally brutal and this night was no exception. The streets were empty and covered in a thin layer of ice. Tim didn’t know where he was going, he was just trying to get there. Each intersection posed a choice he didn’t even bother to make, letting his feet lead the way on their accord. The cold air bit at his admittedly too-thin hoodie and he shivered, pulling his arms in to try and conserve some warmth. Tim pulled out his phone for the hundredth time since he began his walk. Jason hadn’t responded to him yet. That’s fine, Tim rationalized. He’s a busy person, probably out cracking some bad guy skulls. Chiding himself for acting like someone is around just to answer his texts, he shoved the phone back into his pocket. Looking at it just made him feel more abandoned. If his own brother didn’t have time for him, how could he expect anyone else to? 

A few minutes into his walk, he found a small abandoned park with a single overgrown bench. Sitting on that bench, he sat looking at the skyline of Gotham over the trees. How many people had sat in this exact spot thinking similar thoughts? How many people found themselves in the pits of despair, nowhere else to turn but to this single bench, nothing to do but to take in the sheer expanse of the city before them? Tim knew he couldn’t be the first. He could feel the years of pain in the grooves of the wood that he traced with his finger, thinking about how he was now part of a special club. He chuckled softly, remembering the punchline of the “popular graveyard” joke. People are just dying to get in. 

Tim wasn’t sure how long he had wandered the city for. It had to have been at least twenty minutes because his feet were starting to feel the cold. Giving in to temptation, he pulled his phone out once more. 

1 Missed Text - 12 Minutes Ago

FROM: A Brother (2 of ???)

“Hey, you okay? Want me to call you?”

It was nice of Jason to say that, but that’s all it was. There was no way that Jason really wanted to hear about his problems. Tim took a deep breath and composed a response.

TO: A Brother (2 of ???)

“Well, currently I’m just aimlessly wandering the streets”

“They’re very icy”

A small part of Tim felt very accomplished. He had done what he was supposed to do. He reached out for help. So maybe he didn’t actually receive any help, but he _did_ reach out. Now he could go back to wallowing without the addition of guilt. Satisfied, he began to clamber up the fire escape of a small apartment building. At the top, he sat with his legs dangling over the edge just taking in the city. There was so much life happening out there that he was not a part of and never would be. A feeling of regret was beginning to creep into Tim’s mind. Maybe he should’ve taken Jason up on his offer. 

TO: A Brother (2 of ???)

“Actually on second thought, can you call me? I don’t even know what I’m going to say but I think I-”

Before Tim could finish his text, his phone started buzzing with an incoming call from Jason. 

“Hello?” Tim answered quickly.

“Hey,” Jason answered. The voice quality was oddly echo-ey and very familiar.

“Are you using the phone in your helmet right now?” Tim asked, a little upset that he was talking to him while in costume. Jason obviously had better things to do than talk to him. He didn’t want Jason to resent him for taking up his time with silly problems.

“Yeah, but only because I can’t find my real phone.” An obvious lie. He was texting Tim not that long ago, but Tim wasn’t about to argue. “What do you- What’s wrong?” Jason’s voice had a kind tint to it that Tim wasn’t used to hearing. He hated it because it made him feel like he was fragile, but appreciated it at the same time.

“I’m so alone,” Tim confessed, breaking down into tears immediately. He didn’t want to cry, in fact he had told himself that he wouldn’t, but at this point he realised there are some things that he just can’t control. “It’s like… I meet people and as soon as I do, there’s this countdown somewhere that has started to when they no longer want to be around me. Sometimes it’s things they can’t control, people that are taken from me, but so many times nothing happens. Nothing. No fights, no tragedies, they just seem to wake up one morning and decide they no longer want to be around me. I’m supposed to have friends. I _thought_ I had friends, but I guess the time ran out and now I have no one. What is _wrong_ with me?” 

Jason remained quiet on the other line for a few seconds as Tim took a few shaky breaths. “First of all, there’s nothing wrong with you. You need to know that. It’s not your fault, people are awful. That’s just a general rule. Secondly, this kind of thing happens. It’s not good. In fact, it sucks. It sucks a lot and hurts even more, but when you realise that the people around you are going to ebb and flow, you’ll be less likely to try and grab so tightly to ice that you’re surprised when it melts.”

“Knowing it hurts doesn’t make it _not_ hurt.” Tim’s voice was small, choked by his tears.

“I know that, Timmy. You think I haven’t been through hurt before? Our lives are more messed up than a soap opera. We’ve all had more than our fair share of bull, but it makes us stronger. And that’s not just a cliche. If you don’t use it to live your life, you’ll be going through sucky things and never getting anything out of it.”

“I don’t think there’s ever going to be people that won’t leave me.” More than anything, Tim now felt tired. Tired of his emotions, of the world, of everything.

“Now that’s just ridiculous. Of course there will be. For one, you have an outrageously sprawling family that Bruce won’t stop adding to.” Tim snorted in mock annoyance. “More importantly, you’re an amazing person and someday, there will be people who see that and won’t want to let it go. You deserve to have people around you who will follow you into battle or, at the very least, into whatever nerd store has caught your eye.” 

Tim nodded, something that didn’t translate too well over the phone, but Jason knew that the silence was a good one. 

“Hey, Jay? Thank you.” 

“Yeah, of course. I’m always here for you, stupid. You should know that by now. Now get back to the manor before you get frostbite. I am not dealing with an annoyed Alfred because _you_ lost a toe due to poor planning.”

Laughing, Tim hung up on his brother and looked out over the Gotham skyline once more. The sun was rising over the tops of the buildings, spilling orange and pink light onto every surface. It was a new day and Tim was feeling more ready to face it than usual. That is, he would be once he warmed up.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed. if you feel so inclined, kudos and comments are always appreciated. <333


End file.
